Friday, August 6, 2010

How did my daughter get smarter than me?

I so need to get away today. I am sooooo looking forward to going to our camp tonight.
I need to smell the lake.
I need to feel the sun on my face.
I need to sit on the lawn swing and just relax and look down at our little piece of paradise.
Today was an eye opening day for me.

My dad didn't phone me in the morning (he does every day). So I phoned him, no answer, maybe he is in the bathroom.
So I took Ashley to bring her MacBook Pro in to get repaired. It isn't working, such a sad day for her, plus she didn't back up any pictures since Feb.(keeping fingers crossed for her). Then I dropped her off at her friends place.

I had a lunch date with my friend Debbie at 1:00 (a late BDay lunch for me). I had some time to spare so I checked out a couple crafty stores. I phoned my dad just before lunch again no answer....maybe he is in the shower.
I enjoyed my lunch but at the same time worrying about my dad. Debbie even offered to come an check on him with me...what a good friend.

Phoned him again before I went to the bank....still no answer. Now I am thinking I am going to find him dead in his bed when I go and check on him. I can actually picture this. Its not always good to have a creative imagination.
I phone him one more time as I am driving to check on him. Ya I know, I never use the cell when I am driving. Still no answer yup my worst fear is coming true.

I RUN up to his apartment as I put the key in the handle I knock. He yells "YA".....Ok so he's not dead thank goodness.
,But he is laying on his bedroom floor and can't get up. It took me about an hour to help him up. He kept saying his back was sore. He refused to go to the hospital, or for me to call an ambulance. I should have though.
I told him I was scared I though he was dead or something. You know what he said..."Well you should have came here the 1st time you phoned". ...WTF, are you kidding me.
I went from Concerned, to Scared, to Relieved, to Angry.

I told him he can't live on his own anymore. He fell twice in two days. Its not fair to him or to me. If I was away at camp or on my trip he would have laid there until I got back as I seem to be the only one of my siblings that takes care or even checks on him.
He finally said he is lonely and depressed. So maybe that is his way of being ok with it.
I asked how he fell he gave me 3 different reasons and none of them were possible.

When I picked up Ashley I told her what happened. I told her I don't want to take away his independence. Ashley gave me a wake up call. She said "Mom he isn't independent. you prepare his meals, you clean his apartment, you take him to all his appointments, he needs you to do everything for him. He is not independent. He is dependent on you."
She also said quite firmly "Mom this isn't fair to you, you had to deal with this shit all during your childhood, that why you moved out at 16. Now you have to deal with all of this on your own. Where was your parents and family when you were on your own, not seeing if you even needed food to eat. It not fair to you." Now this brought some tears to my eyes.

So when I got home I phoned my sister to tell her to check on him. She said that she brought him some of him medication a few days ago. He is on heavy narcotics because of the pain due to his severe rheumatoid arthritis. He seems to go on a binge when he gets his prescription refilled.

I am going to the States with my girls and Sharon on Monday. Nothing is keeping me from going I need this. Plus I already exchanged my money and got Health Insurance. :)

Sorry for this long bummer of a post, but as I have said before this is like an online diary for me.
When I get back from my mini vacation I am going to be looking for some places for my dad that he will get the care that he needs.

Hope you had a good Friday. Ohh I can smell the fresh air already.



  1. Oh you poor sweet person, I really feel for you and want to say go and have a break and enjoy it but try not to worry, I am sure you wrote in one of your comments on my blog that you are one of 6 well where the hell are the other 5? hope it all works out and you get some help

  2. Tracy
    Sounds so familiar. The sooner you get your dad into a nice facility the happier he and you will be.
    Siblings ? when this sort of thing happens they are like the mist on that lake in your picture. They disappear.
    I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I am blessed that I had an understanding husband because for many years he only saw me fall into bed at the end of a long working day at a stressful job and then spending the rest of the evening looking after my parent.
    GO ENJOY!! Inform your siblings they need to check and also a neighbor if there is one.
    Dear girl, I am not preaching: I am empathizing with you.
    Will be following along to see how you make out.

  3. I hope it all works out well for you and your family! My Mom is dealing with something kinda like this with her Mother...she's not to the point she can't live alone but she lives 5 hours away from us and we can't talk her into moving closer to us (all because she doesn't want to spend any of her money). She drives herself but I would NEVER ride in the car with her again!!

  4. Oh, Tracy, you so need a little getaway! Having lost both of my parents already, I understand what you are going through. I hope you can get some assistance from your siblings. I'll be thinking of you.

  5. Hi're daughter is so right! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this but it doesn't seem like it's healthy for you or for him! He needs to help and you shouldn't always have to be the one! I hope that everythig works out and that this weekend you had a nice relaxing time at your cabin!!

    Have fun on your trip to the "States"!! (Sorry that makes me laugh a little since I live here in the States!! :-)

  6. Good for you for confronting your siblings. They need to be involved also! Everything can't be on your back!!!!

    Have a lovely trip! Enjoy it!!!


  7. I totally agree with your daughter!! He is NOT independent.

    Honestly, it sounds like he would be much safer in a facility where there are trained people around, AND he can get the medical attention he needs (that he refuses right now!) Besides all that, there will be others around he can interact with....a lot of facilities have organized activities that he can participate in, and his life will be better all the way around (and so will YOURS).

    Enjoy your trip!! You so need it!

  8. Tracy,
    It is so difficult caring for our parents as they age, it's not easy, nor is it fun. It's stressful and emotionally draing at times. Please take care of yourself and make choices based on what is best for you too. I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best.


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